Hm, last entry in november 2012 -
how time is running fast!
How many times did I want to post something,
yet - the thought was too volatile to get caught and fixed.
And now, looking back at those months
I can see the continuance of this endless dance
with its many valleys and peaks.
Only a few of them outstanding in a way that I could remember.
One deep valley I had to run through
was the shingles I caught. Or better, they caught me.
Before I saw the rash I freaked out as I thought
it would be the borreliosis bothering me more than ever.
Although I felt relieved that it was "just" shingles
and would find an end after some time,
I suffered a lot from violent pain, not only violent
but also a for a long time and - not amazing -
I kept some pain as rememberance, as it happens to 5%.
Will see if I can get rid of it with the time.
So I spent February and March caring for my rash
and felt sick, sick and sick.
The only activity one could get me to
were the daily doggy walks.
I learned that moderate move like walking without hurry
is the best for my muscles and joints - and brain.
It was like a purgatory and I felt it might help.
I started with pain and dark foggy brain for my walk
and I got back after one hour with less pain and felt relieved.
With spring coming up my mood got better
and I could even smile from time to time
(gosh, I think I had forgotten to smile for months before!).
I started to remember those initial contemplation exercises
which I used to do 20 years ago: walking meditation.
Poor results at the beginning
as I was not able to keep focused for even 30 seconds.
Yet day by day I felt better and more light inside.
I was amazed about the immense grief, aggression and desperation
I found inside myself.
By walking and breathing I let them go, again and again.
Looking back I can say now
that I still have my moments, hours and days
full of pain and foggy brain.
Yet I am starting to feel the rush of a sudden happiness,
delicate and volatile but powerful,
how I used to feel so often in the past before borrelias had overcome.
Another important improvement
I get by daily (well, almost daily) exercise of the 5 Tibetans.
I started with 3 repetitions and I felt like a 100 year old woman.
Nothing left from years with yoga and meditation exercises,
just a stiff aching body with weak joints.
Now I am with 13 repetitions of each of the 5 exercises
and I feel how they strengthen and balance both my body and mind.
That encouraged me to restart with Tai Chi
I once have done for some years, long long ago.
Thanks to youtube I found some videos
to relearn and exercise whenever I feel for it.
how time is running fast!
How many times did I want to post something,
yet - the thought was too volatile to get caught and fixed.
And now, looking back at those months
I can see the continuance of this endless dance
with its many valleys and peaks.
Only a few of them outstanding in a way that I could remember.
One deep valley I had to run through
was the shingles I caught. Or better, they caught me.
Before I saw the rash I freaked out as I thought
it would be the borreliosis bothering me more than ever.
Although I felt relieved that it was "just" shingles
and would find an end after some time,
I suffered a lot from violent pain, not only violent
but also a for a long time and - not amazing -
I kept some pain as rememberance, as it happens to 5%.
Will see if I can get rid of it with the time.
So I spent February and March caring for my rash
and felt sick, sick and sick.
The only activity one could get me to
were the daily doggy walks.
I learned that moderate move like walking without hurry
is the best for my muscles and joints - and brain.
It was like a purgatory and I felt it might help.
I started with pain and dark foggy brain for my walk
and I got back after one hour with less pain and felt relieved.
With spring coming up my mood got better
and I could even smile from time to time
(gosh, I think I had forgotten to smile for months before!).
I started to remember those initial contemplation exercises
which I used to do 20 years ago: walking meditation.
Poor results at the beginning
as I was not able to keep focused for even 30 seconds.
Yet day by day I felt better and more light inside.
I was amazed about the immense grief, aggression and desperation
I found inside myself.
By walking and breathing I let them go, again and again.
Looking back I can say now
that I still have my moments, hours and days
full of pain and foggy brain.
Yet I am starting to feel the rush of a sudden happiness,
delicate and volatile but powerful,
how I used to feel so often in the past before borrelias had overcome.
Another important improvement
I get by daily (well, almost daily) exercise of the 5 Tibetans.
I started with 3 repetitions and I felt like a 100 year old woman.
Nothing left from years with yoga and meditation exercises,
just a stiff aching body with weak joints.
Now I am with 13 repetitions of each of the 5 exercises
and I feel how they strengthen and balance both my body and mind.
That encouraged me to restart with Tai Chi
I once have done for some years, long long ago.
Thanks to youtube I found some videos
to relearn and exercise whenever I feel for it.
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